Welcome to the World Wide Weird

Thank you Madame X – you’ve done it again.

That’s what Piero Lorenzoni says to women he meets. This Italian sex researcher (you have to admire someone who loves their job) claims he can tell a woman’s personality from the size and shape of her breasts. Naturally in order to do this he needs to see, and no doubt feel said breasts in the course of his very important research.

Says Mr Lorenzoni, “A woman’s breasts denote a woman’s character, just like her star sign.”

Okayyyyyyy. How exactly does this work? Well he categorises breast types according to fruits and says men can draw up their own horoscope-type chart that indicates what a woman’s chest size says about her. According to Lorenzoni, a woman with large, round breasts like a melon may appear motherly, but is far from it. “She likes eating and wants to be spoiled and admired. But seldom likes sex.”

And you can tell this about a woman by checking out her ta tas?

“A woman with pineapple breasts is intelligent, often has a career but is still romantic. They are also faithful. Whoever wins their heart will not lose it quickly.”

I gotta say it all sounds like bunk to me. But then if this guy gets a whole heap of action due to his “research” then good luck to him. There is probably a book, lecture tour and guest appearances on Good Morning Australia in it for him too. And while Moira is crapping on about his book (“Don’t ring now for this very special offer….”) he can cop a feel of her boobs.

As the songs says, nice work if you can get it!

I’m guessing Saddam wasn’t very fond of his half-brother Sabawi Ibrahim Hasan if he only rated the 6 of Diamonds.

I apologise for my lack of posts, but there just isn’t enough weirdness happening lately. I could go on about Prince Charles and his upcoming nuptials but frankly I couldn’t be bothered. Yes he was married to arguably one of the most beautiful women in the world, treated her like one of his serving girls, carried on behind her back (and aspired to be a tampon; did you think we’d forget that little tidbit?) and now is marrying someone that looks like she’s been smacked in the face with a polo mallet (and coincidently someone else who was fooling around outside of marriage). Be all that as it may if these two want to get married and spend the rest of their dismal existence together then let them I say. Misery loves company.

I could also go on about The Michael Jackson trial that nobody, not even Osama Bin Laden still holed up in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan is going to be able to avoid. I’ve read most of the transcripts of the evidence presented to the Grand Jury when the charges were laid and must say that even if only a small fraction of these allegations are upheld then Wacko Jacko needs to be locked up for a long long time.

Instead I thought I’d mention Pope Jay Pee Eye Eye and his ongoing medical dramas. I heard he’d been rushed to hospital yesterday and was left wondering when did he leave hospital? Last I heard he was already there suffering flu and next thing he’s being rushed back for an emergency operation due to “breathing difficulties”. It seems to me (with no medical training whatsoever) that these “difficulties” are probably due to the fact that JPII is so old and ill he really shouldn’t be breathing at all. He should be gone already. This is not to pour scorn on the man in white, I’ll get around to that in a minute.

As Popes go this one has done a reasonably good job by anyone’s estimation. Hey he lasted longer than JPI just by watching his ordination on the 10 o’clock news. However of late he hasn’t been well. In fact he’s been so unwell I suspect he may have an acute case of Arafatitis and that the medical staff just don’t recognise he has died already. The Pope himself has said numerous times he’ll stay on in the job until God decides otherwise; and I’m thinking the Big Boss is already giving him the windup.

Not only does he make news for being ill, he has a new book coming out later this month and if the quotes I’m reading are anything to go by there will be those that are wishing God had grabbed his collar and said “I’m talking to you Boy!” before the book was written. In particular, his latest published thoughts on abortion and gay union are going to create a lot of unhappy vegemites.

Called ‘Memory & Identity’ and available next month, his book speaks of “the legal extermination of human beings conceived but unborn”. Their “extermination” was “decreed by democratically elected parliaments, which invoke the notion of civil progress for society and for all humanity”.

(All quotes I use will be clearly indicated as such and you can check the links to ensure I haven’t changed any of JPII’s words). Now it seems to me that the use of the word “extermination” is automatically going to create a stir. I haven’t read the book and I don’t know that I want to, but surely JPII can’t simply go on linking abortion=”legal extermination” without answering the questions raised by such things as medical deformities, mother’s life at stake, rape and incest….

The Pope links abortion – “this grave violation of God’s law” – with another. “I am thinking, for example, of the strong pressure from the European Parliament to recognise homosexual unions as an alternative type of family, with the right to adopt children. It is legitimate and even necessary to ask whether this is not the work of another ideology of evil, more subtle and hidden, perhaps, intent upon exploiting human rights themselves against man and against the family.”

And the idea of the people wihin the European Parliament making their own minds up about this or other issues? Clearly democracy is something that is not allowed.

The Pope on Same Sex Marriages: He condemns legislation allowing gay unions as an “alternative type of family with the right to adopt children”. This, he suggests, is the work of “an ideology of evil”. Of course it is evil to want to form a family. Why would anyone in their right mind want to have anything to do with a safe, nurturing, loving, family? EVIL EVIL EVIL!!!

But when you ask the question of what is means to say that something is evil, JPII has this to say: “evil, in a realist sense, can only exist in relation to good, and in particular, in relation to God, the supreme good. This is the evil of which the book of Genesis speaks. ”

Hmmm, interesting thought but one I don’t agree with. What makes something evil is not God’s word. Otherwise the concepts “good” and “evil” are meaningless in terms of an all powerful God. The problem this philosophical thorn raises is that “if Man can decide by himself, without God, what is good and what is bad, he can also determine that a group of people is to be annihilated. Decisions of this kind were taken, for example, by those who came to power in the Third Reich by democratic means, and then used their power to implement the wicked programs of National Socialist ideology based on racist principles.”

So, to recap; abortion = same sex marriages = homosexuality = Nazism = holocaust = EVIL!

The Pope’s position is, “At this point, we cannot remain silent regarding a tragic question that is more pressing today than ever. The fall of the regimes built on ideologies of evil put an end to the forms of extermination just mentioned in the countries concerned. However there remains the legal extermination of human beings conceived but unborn …” So now you can throw Communism into the pot as well. And as to the “cannot remain silent….” bit, The Catholic Church has a good track record in this regard; as their (non) action during the Nazi holocaust of WWII only too clearly demonstrated.

Critics are quick to point out (correctly in my view) “[the comparison of abortion with the Holocaust] is an inappropriate comparison, but the highest church authorities, notably the Pope, regard abortion as the killing of innocent, defenseless human life done on a huge scale. It’s a difficult question as to whether they are entitled in this. “

Instead of looking at a complex moral issue like abortion on a case by case basis, we have the Catholic Church putting a blanket over the whole thing whilst chanting EVIL EVIL EVIL! That is their opinion and they are entitled to it. Who am I to say otherwise? If the Catholic Church is happy living in the 14th century good luck to them.

The Italian daily newspaper La Repubblica wrote this week that the main focus of the book is the risk democracies pose to the law of God.
“The nihilism of the West is disturbing to the Pope. His claim is that democratic parliaments are the carriers,” it said.

In one chapter of the book, the Pope describes how “anti-evangelical currents” strike at the foundations of human morality, “influencing the family and promoting a morally permissive outlook: divorce, free love, abortion, contraception, the fight against life in its initial phases and in its final phase, the manipulation of life”.

In other words the individual CHOOSING how to live one’s life as opposed to someone else (i.e. him) TELLING you how to. This of course is not new, it has been happening ever since we were told to “get down out of that tree and stand upright for crying out loud!” The problem is that the Pope is the CEO of an organisation called GOD Inc. This shouldn’t be a problem; when it comes to organisations they can do pretty much what they like. Where I draw the line is when they tell other people what to do. Complicating things is the knowledge that God Inc is a franchise operation, and there are a lot of them. Islam GOD Inc, Shinto GOD Inc, Buddhist GOD Inc, Atheist (Lack Of) God Inc and so on. When the CEO of Catholic God Inc, presumes it upon himself to tell everyone else how and when to jump we are left asking why should we? So then the same CEO tries to grab political power by way of political party policy in an effort to FORCE us to jump while at the same time attempting to remove the political process from any who should disagree.

Another section of his book describes his certainty that he would survive the assassination attempt in 1981. He recalls his belief that the bullet was directed away from his vital organs by divine intervention, credited to the Virgin Mary of Fatima. His would-be assassin, Mehmet Ali Agca, shot with “confidence and perfection. But it was just as if someone guided this bullet.” Gee I can’t help but think if the guy was this confident then why did he feel the need to duck at the time? Why trouble the doctors to remove the bullet at all?

Interestingly though, in all the many quotes I can find about the book, and with everything that is being written and said about it, the word “Love” doesn’t appear. Not once! Like the love of a God for his people. Instead we have hate, vengeance, punishment, and evil. Lots and lots of evil.

This Right-wing approach is being seen all around the world, The U.S, have a Right Wing Fraud in the WhiteHouse, The Australian Federal parliament is just starting to realise it too will buckle under this immoral moral pressure, and in Europe more of the same. Instead of telling us how to live our lives, or discriminating against homosexuals, the Catholic Church would be better suited ensuring that our children are no longer being being abused by (mostly heterosexual) Priests. If you want to leave the world a better place JPII, this is what you need to do. NOW!!!!

Associated Press is reporting plans for the U.S. to shrink wrap bodies (I’m assuming deceased ones) in times of disaster.

The Thurston County Coroner’s Office recently won approval to purchase a machine able to shrink-wrap human remains. The process would make it easier to transport a large number of bodies.

I’ll say. Imagine the room you’ll save throwing corpses on the back of a truck that are a fraction of their pre shrink-wrapped size. They can also take a ticket from the Late Night Infomercial people and invest into those space saver vacuum bags. All you need is body-bag sized vacuum bags and a couple of vacuum cleaners. In fact you could even store the dead’ns at home at the back of your wardrobe when the morgue gets full.

After the bodies have been autopsied and identified, they would be zipped into body bags, placed on a plywood trays and covered with cardboard lids.

Neat-o! I wonder if I can sign up for this job. Just think, you’ll get to meet all manner of new and interesting people that don’t look anything like people at all. You could even shrink-wrap a family member and not even recognize them.

The wrapped bodies would be easier to carry than body bags and less disturbing for workers, county Coroner Judy Arnold recently told The Olympian newspaper.
“It’s hard to think of people in those terms,” she said. “But it’s a matter of logistics, and we want to do it in the best and the most respectable way for both the deceased and the family.”

I’m not sure that looking respectable and space saver bags have anything in common but who is going to let something like that spoil our fun?

The shrink-wrapped bodies could be moved with forklifts, and the extra plastic covering would seal in biohazards such as anthrax in the case of bioterrorism.

I’ve always said that forklifts are the most dignified way to move human remains. That and golf buggies.

The entire machine could be wheeled on a trailer to other parts of the state or taken by helicopter, Arnold said.

Cool! “Hey everyone, the Human Space Saver truck is soming to town!”

NewScientist recently ran a story highlighting some of the more STOOPID warning labels that have been found. This is them; thanks be to the folks at Land-o-Links (see sidebar) for sharing the love.

Here are the winnners of the M-LAW competition for wackiest warning label of the year:
1st Prize Do Not Use For Personal Hygiene
- on a toilet brush
2nd Prize This Product Moves When Used
- on a child’s scooter

Previous Winners have included:
Remove Child Before Folding
- on a baby buggy

Once Used Rectally, Thermometer Should Not Be Used Orally
- on a digital thermometer

Never Remove Food Or Other Items From The Blades While The Product Is Operating
- on an electric hand blender

Harmful If Swallowed
- on a three-pronged brass fishing lure

Never Iron Clothes While They Are Being Worn
- on a household iron

Do Not Eat Toner
- on a laser printer cartridge

Shin Pads Cannot Protect Any Part Of The Body They Do Not Cover
- on a pair of cyclist’s shin guards

Blogs are interesting things. Everyone has an opinion and it seems most of these opinions are different. Some people like small children, some don’t. Some people like to go bushwalking, some don’t. Some people like horses and some people REALLY, REALLY DONT. In face the creator of http://horsehater.blogspot.com/ hates them with a passion. And I dont mean he hates them a little, no this guy hates them A LOT!!!!!

Go to his blog to see what I mean.

I can’t believe it! ANOTHER story explaining how some poor guy has lost a nut; that’s 3 in 3 days)!!!!. I tell you some body is trying to bring the average down to just a solitary gonad. Anyone who has more than 1 is urged to guard them as if their life depended on it.

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