Welcome to the World Wide Weird

….when the headline uses the words saw-mill, penis, and incident!

Of course Cap Slog is skeptical until the story is confirmed, I mean exactly how one goes about getting one’s groin caught in machinery defies imagination.

But if true, this guy can share with Stanley Staplegun who tried to nail his nuts to the roof. What is going on? Any more of this and we can start thinking about opening a “Crown Jewels” ward at the local hospital.

Car crash kills man believed to be using laptop while driving
link
Hmmmmm interesting. I know we are told not to text and drive, or even use a mobile phone in a vehicle that isn’t hands free, but no-one ever SPECIFICALLY said surfing and driving was a no no.

A man who authorities say appeared to be driving while using his laptop computer died Monday when his vehicle crossed into oncoming traffic and collided with a Hummer.

After the crash, California Highway Patrol officers found the victim’s computer still running and plugged into the cigarette lighter of his 1991 Honda Accord.

Maybe he had the car for sale on eBay and was looking to see what the latest bid was?

The 28-year-old victim was a computer tutor in Chico. The Sutter County Coroner’s Office was withholding his identity until his family could be notified.

I reckon they may already know, at least they might if he was emailing his family at the time. ‘Hey mum is it alright if ……..’

“The screen itself shattered from the impact, so we can’t be sure if he was working on it or not, but we think from the way it was found that he might have been working,” CHP spokesman Sgt. John Pettigrew said. “It’s a straight road right there, and it doesn’t look like he fell asleep or anything else.”

Google maps = good. Google maps while driving=bad.

Look – I’m no CSIer but I can tell you if he had his fingers crowded around the arrow keys, he was playing doom. And if this laptop had a mouse, then he was surfing here.

….. But you can always try right?

Man tells cops unicorn caused crash
I know i know, the skeptical among you are already lining up.

BILLINGS, Mont. – A man told police not to blame him for crashing his truck into a light post — it was that unicorn behind the wheel. Prosecutor Ingrid Rosenquist said Phillip C. Holliday Jr. initially denied driving the truck involved in the March 7 crash in Billings. He told officers at the scene that a unicorn was driving, she said.

I bet the cops don’t even have a “unicorn” tick box on the accident report sheet. Ha!

That sound you hear is the collective bustle of insurance companies worldwide rapidly inserting No unicorn clauses into existing contracts. Damn!

Roofer nails testicle to roof

An Austrian workman who slipped while working on a house nailed his own testicle to the roof with a nail gun.

August Voegl, 59, from Jennersdorf, shot the four-inch nail into his left testicle with the compressed air nail gun.

He was unable to extract it or pull himself away from the roof.
Emergency medics were called in to separate the man from the roof after which he was airlifted to a nearby hospital where he is reportedly recovering well after surgery.

How in the name of all that is holy can one be “recovering well” after performing a bloody near gonadectomy on onesself?